I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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