he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
