So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
