Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
