i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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