I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
