Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

How bad was it?

(1-713): View more from Texas

You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth

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(727): View more from Florida

and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.

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(419): View more from Ohio

A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.

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(904): View more from Florida

we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(904): View more from Florida

Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea

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(620): View more from Kansas

I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend

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(315): View more from New York

HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!

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(763): View more from Minnesota

My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"

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