How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"