How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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