im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.