it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
