My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
