Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
