I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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