i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
