he thought i was a dude.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
