based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize