i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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