If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
