Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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