Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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