I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
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the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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