My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
