Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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