You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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