shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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