2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
