if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
