Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
