we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
