My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize