I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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