Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
