You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
