News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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