remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
