Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize