I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
