Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
