That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.