Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i believe in u and ur pee