honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?