why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."