I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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