i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
