Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
