I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!