I smell stomach acid.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
