oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
