false alarm. still invincible.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
