The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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