franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
