honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
