my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I die, sorry about rent.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
