new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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