So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
