i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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