This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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