Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
