Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it was like eating out sand paper
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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