Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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