i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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