About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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