Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
