wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
