He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
