Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
