I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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