he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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