i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
