Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
