I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
ugly people sure do ruin things
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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